Is different REALLY good?

The other day I was hungry while running errands around town and I decided to stop and pick up some fast food to appease my rumbling tummy. Around my area were the usuals: McDonalds, Burger King, Taco Bell, White Castle, etc. Each of these various establishments have their respective "big" item - The Whopper, The Big Mac, The Baconator (mmmm. . . bacon), the Nacho Bell-Grande. But this day, I saw something that amazed and simultaneously horrified me beyond my ability to describe it. Well, there is only one word to describe it. . .

Buffaque. 

Say this slightly slower and you'll get the horrified part. . .

This concoction is supposedly a cross between a barbeque sandwich and a "buffalo" hot sauce.  I wouldn't really know if it's good or not as I couldn't get past the name. All I could think about is the idiot who was pitching the idea in the marketing office. 

"Hey, guys. I've got this new sandwich that is a combination BBQ and buffalo hot sauce thing. . . what do you wanna call it?"

"Uh. . . buffaque?

"Cool."

And then they go to the art department and so on down the line. No one ever stopping to consider that their sandwich was really selling fast food sodomy.

This name will (hopefully) quickly disappear into the annals of obscurity, but if Arby's was smart, they'd publicly deny all knowledge of the sandwich and fire the guy who conceptualized  the idea. . .

A Call to Love and Wisdom

After my last entry, my "very close friend" gave it a read through and responded to me. As per his request to remain anonymous, I have placed his email in its entirety here as my next entry - omitting any personal references to himself, name or other personally sensitive information.

Thanks Anonymous!

Anonymous references a few articles in his email to me. These articles can be found at the following links below:

Derek Webb's Article: www.patrolmag.com/times/992/how-shall-we-then-vote

Mark Driscoll's Blog: www.theresurgence.com/md_blog

* * * * *

Caleb,

I love reading your blog.

Fromthe timing, it sounded like you wrote today's entry based on our email thread. I hear your call to reason, and I'll raise that call (poker terms now) to Love. Not the kind of mushy, sentimental "love" that decides to simply not talk about stuff, living in a crowded room of "white elephants". No, the kind of love that Jesus presented, where he challenged people in real discourse to THINK and FEEL as Yahweh does. In effect, I would offer that we, you and I and those who agree with your thesis in your entry, are calling for Wisdom.

Wisdom is often described as "knowledge gained through experience". The bible talks about Wisdom first as Fear of the Lord. Then we say that this kind of fear described here is not a kind of groveling fear. And I agree that biblical Fear of the Lord is not SIMPLY groveling fear. It is groveling fear, and then something else: trust in God's promise to not actually destroy us as we deserve. Maintain that groveling fear of Yahweh (as the great scientist Egon Spangler offers a wonderful word picture: "Try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light.") and add to that a tacit knowledge of God's kindness and affection for you, and you're getting towards biblical Wisdom.

We want people to start all discussions about basically anything with a right Fear of God. This produces epistemic humility, and yet confidence in our Creator's affection, faithfulness and loyalty to, Himself first, and to us through secondary causes.

Fear of God, Wisdom, shocks us into a higher allegiance. As both the articles I cited in my email to Selina point, we are NOT citizens of the USofA, we are Sojourners in the USofA, and therefore participate in their community life. But out identity is in Christ, it is hidden with God in Him until He should be revealed, and we are truly FIRST, citizens of Heaven (and the new Earth, not some spiritual cloud world. . .)

This means we owe our THOUGHTS and our FEELINGS first to our King. He is to shape them, and we are to obey him first. This means, as Derek Webb's article states (which I encourage you to read): ". . . it would likely be sinful if we were all reaching the same conclusions on how to best love our neighbors, so there's plenty of room for a difference of opinion there."

I highly respect the biblical moral values you see Obama advocating. I also highly respect the biblical moral values that McCain advocated. For those who voted with a biblically shaped clear conscience for either candidate, I applaud them for their integrity and faith and correct delight in  those biblical virtues and ideas which each candidate possessed or espoused (and each did, with some overlap between them, but mostly each covered different areas).

To your main irritation, I concur. Those who votes based simply on party lines, because of "christian" pressures (either offensive voting or defensive voting), those are the people I would challenge: be very careful you are not committing idolatry in your hope in a candidate. For those who voted McCain, your idolatry may look lilke inordinate despair. "All our hopes for the Mission of God to renew the USA are gone," this is a wicked and unbelieving position. Repent. Jesus is King and he appoints wicked and just rulers all over the world, throughout time, for His purposes.

For those who voted Obama, your idolatry may look like inordinate and misplaced hope. "All our hopes for the Mission of God to renew the USA are going to happen," this is too a wicked  and unbelieving position. Repent. Jesus is King and he appoints wicked and just rulers all over the world, throughout time, for His purposes. As Mark Driscoll's blog pot preaches (which I also encourage you to read): "for those [who] have gotten sidetracked for the cause of a false king and a false kingdom by making too much of the election and too little of Jesus, today is a good day to practice repentance. . ."

A Call To Reason

I am distressed with the current state of Christians in America. Not all Christians, but specifically the kind of Christians who view anyone and anything that differs from their religious/political preference/POV. 

I really didn't want to start off my entry with a perceived attack, but the reality is, when attempting a discussion with most individuals as described above, they take an immediate defensive position and rarely give any real thought to the conversation, rather they just dig in and defend their position until the "firing" stops. So, that said, I apologize if you've already taken offense, I am desperately trying to engage in a discussion, not a bashing.

I am calling out for reason. I am pleading as Paul the Apostle pleaded for us to reason together. My worries began weeks before the election and have since turned into despair for my brothers and sister in Christ. Many of you feel the same as I, and many of you do not. It is under the banner of working together in unity as the body of Christ that I make my appeal to all of you reading this.

I voted for Barack Obama. Not because he was a lesser of two evils or anything like that. I voted for him because I truly believe he was the candidate best suited to lead our country. John McMain had many good attributes as well, but when I consulted my conscience I voted along those lines. We can bicker about whether we think Obama is a Marxist, a Socialist, a Muslim, or worse. We can label him a baby killer, pro-homosexual rights, tree hugger, etc. We can pick our two or three moral issues to stand on and make them our hills to die on. Unfortunately, this is where almost all Christians lose it. They view the issue of pro-choice as "pro-abortion" - literally meaning anyone voting for a "pro-choice" candidate is saying "I am in full support of abortion." Similarly, they view this same vote as saying "I am validating and endorsing the 'homosexual agenda' and am supporting homosexual marriages." I find it unfortunate that my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ have become so attached to the republican party that they are failing to see the bigger picture. 

The Republican party is just as screwed up as the Democratic party. 

That just needed to be said. 

A very close friend and I had a discussion about faith and politics a few years ago. In the discussion I assumed many things about him and his views based on how he lived out his faith. Here was a man who was attending seminary, seeking God on a daily basis, in love with Christ, and yet was a Democrat.

I was shocked. I literally could not believe it. Everything I was ever taught to believe about the Democratic party was that they were evil, they wanted to destroy traditional morality and usher in a new world of drunken sex parties with abortions as morning after solutions. The Dems wanted to destroy my faith and make every whim of our flawed humanity not just permissible, but highly encouraged. They wanted to make it ok for homosexual heathens to have equal rights based specifically on the basis of their sexual preference. These heathens would then go on to adopt children and pass on the legacy of evil to the next generation.

Does this sound crazy? That's because it is. It is as far from the real truth as it can get.

During World War II,  the German government used massive amounts of disinformation to smear all pho opposed them and their agenda. This is known as a propaganda campaign. This kind of disinformation id designed to build a nearly unbreakable sense of loyalty to the home team and build in a massive distrust and fearful hatred of the opposing side. The German's campaign worked. This is how the republicans and democrats treat each other. They each make massively oversimplified statements about the other's position meant to rile people up. Individuals like Rush Limbaugh, Bill O'Reilly and Ann Coulter are the GOP generals while the other side has their political spinsters. All of these individuals are responsible for manipulating information to better suit their own political agendas and personal platform. 

On a personal side note - at the risk of biasing myself -  If I hear one more person tell me about what Rush Limbaugh says I think I'll kill myself. There. Got that off my chest. . . Don't worry - I hate listening to democrat rhetoric too.

Republicans tend to over simplify the Democratic point of view and hammer the pro-choice and gay rights issues while Dems over emphasize GOPpers archaic "Puritan" values and biggotry. Both parties have some legitimate complaints with the other, but neither side is willing to play nice with the other long enough to work anything out.

This is where I am calling for reason - let us work out these differences. Let us discuss our reasons in a respectful manner. GOPpers are not all greedy, racist biggots (though, sadly, many are. . .) and Dems are not all aborting gay babies (though sadly, there could be an argument for this. . .) My hope is that Christians on any side of the political  arena will set aside the polarizing aspects of their politics and follow John McCain's example of reaching across the aisle and work with those you do not 100% agree with - without condemnation. You might be surprised at what you might agree with them about.

Time for Change

No. This isn't about the upcoming election, but speaking of which, I at least have decided who Im going to vote for. I won't bother to polarize any of you might actually read this by informing you of my decision, just leave it at that. I have something of more importance to me personally to write down.

I am a jerk. I realize this almost daily. I was reading this essay a few weeks ago about a sociologist who wanted to test a theory. The theory can be summed up in the title of the essay "If Hitler asked you to electrocute someone, would you? Probably." It goes on to talk about how this sociologist created a negative reinforcement experiment involving electrocution. He had actors playing all of the parts except for the person who responded to an ad the sociologist placed in a local paper. This person had no clue about what was going on, only that they were going to be a part of an experiment. They had no idea that the people involved were actors. For all they knew, they were participating in vital scientific research. When the actor playing the head scientist explains that the volunteer will be asking a person who is hooked up to electrodes a series of questions. If the person responds positively, there is no penalty. If they respond negatively, there is a mild and brief electrical shock that is administered by the volunteer. Simple, huh? 

The volunteer is then instructed that with every incorrect answer, in addition to the shock they are to administer, they must then up the voltage by on click of a dial on the electrocution machine. You can guess where this is going. Throughout the experiment, many different volunteers push the button, electrocuting the victim. As the voltage increases, the victim cries out in pain. Eventually it gets to the point where the victim must be physically restrained and given the shock as they are becoming more and more violent and resistant to the experiment. Mind you, the victim is an actor. . . he is only playing his role. He has been caused no real pain, but the volunteer does not know this. He/She thinks that this is real, thus the real experiment collects its data. The study found that a vast majority of people continued to punish the victim even when they saw it caused severe pain and potentially permanent damage simply because they thought they were doing it in the name of something good, and someone in authority simply told them too. Some of the volunteers even relished the action.

Disturbing.

Why am I telling you all this? Surely neither you or I would ever do these kind of things? I tell you this because both you and I most certainly would, and we do on a daily basis. I tell you this because it is not just true in the big ideas, it is also true in all of the little areas of our lives. I see this daily. I become more like my friends when with them. I tend to make fun of others when others around me do it. I curse more when around others who do. I act in ways I am ashamed of. I feel pathetic.

Thank God for my wife. She is not afraid to call me on my crap. Seriously. She is truly a wonderful woman and even when it hurts, she tells me the story like it is. No gloss, no stat cleaning, simple and clean truth. I want to polish up the edges and somehow justify my behavior like it was somehow not my fault, that I have an excuse to get me out of it. The plain truth is that it usually is my fault. I am a bastard most of the time. I'm selfish, an addict, pleasure seeking, responsibility shirking, arrogant, snobby and even a bit elitist.

Please don't be surprised. I am merely trying to be honest with myself and with others. I really believe that if I don't face myself, I'll never really rise above the gritty parts of myself and be able to truly grow in a healthy and responsible manner; spiritually, mentally, physically and emotionally. 

Body Aches and Pains

I've been away from my chiropractor for far too long. My neck is causing tension headaches on a seemingly constant basis, my feet hurt, my hips are uncomfortable, my back is achy and tense and my shoulder is screaming from stress too.

I'm beat up.

I took 1200 mg. of Motrin about an hour ago and so far, nothing. I think I might need something a wee bit stronger as I re-align my spine and mind. 

Either that or just start taking my Motrin with Vodka. That might do it too. . .

Long Time Coming

My time has come.

"Time for what?" I hear you ask. Well, I'll tell you my friend, and I'll tell you with much joy and glee.

After nine excruciatingly long years of battle, I am finally going to kick my basement's ass!

A kindly warrior from Permaseal spent two hours in my basement poking and prodding the walls of my concrete Grendel to ascertain it's weakness. That being established, I am making arrangements with the "Basement Beowulf" to solve my problem.

Finally, there will be peace in my kingdom.

I've found out where Hell is.

To the casual observer, 332 S. Michigan avenue in Chicago, Illinois looks much like other Chicago buildings. It architecturally fits in amongst the other buildings surrounding it, has businesses located on the street level and offices and homes on the upper levels. However, it does contain one thing that these other buildings do not. As far as I am concerned, 332 S. Michigan avenue - floor 2 - is the gateway to hell.

Enter the mens room.

If you've ever heard Dane Cook's rant about mens rooms, you know that the typical mens room is dripping wet. Yes, a St. Bernard shook himself dry in there. The walls are wet and there is obscene graffiti on the walls, often of the erotic variety. The toilet seats are urine coated and often have butt crust left on the top of the curvature of the seat. This is just one of the legacies that men leave other men throughout our lives.

The mens room on the 2nd floor of 332 S. Michigan avenue is vastly different than the stereotypical mens room. It is infinitely worse. This is the kind of place you would never ever willingly visit if you could help it. If there was a tipped over port-o-let open in the hallway and was leaking out septic waste onto the floor, that would be preferable to the enclosed and private mens room. 

I would even go so far as to say I would rather pee with my pants down in front of a crowd of jeering elderly people than to use the mens room there.

This loathsome, godless room is the kind of place you would use as a penalty for losing a bet. Say you bet your friend that you can bed a pretty girl and you lose, you may end up doing bare chested push-ups in the large handicapped stall in this room. 

The handicapped stall is one of the dirtiest places to drop waste. People have wiped their arses and deposited the paper on the floor next to the toilet. Not just once or twice, but enough to create a moderately large pile. The toilet paper dispenser itself is constantly riddled with homo-erotic and racist quotes, song lyrics, all of which are misspelled. 

Boogers, some bloody, are picked or blown directly from the nose onto the wall in a Jackson Pollack-esque manner. The floor is not worth walking on - think Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom insect carpet scene. The urinals eerily ooze fluid of some kind, the ceiling weeps blood, the art on the back of the door is bad, but admirably, the best part of the bathroom experience (which is bad no matter how you look at it). The sink is always dripping and is usually covered with some sticky waste or alien life form that is seemingly bent on conquering every square inch of the countertop.

So, next time you brazenly tell someone to got to hell, let them know it is located a 332 S. Michigan Avenue in Chicago.

Oh, you can also tell them that it is expecting them.