I am a jerk. I realize this almost daily. I was reading this essay a few weeks ago about a sociologist who wanted to test a theory. The theory can be summed up in the title of the essay "If Hitler asked you to electrocute someone, would you? Probably." It goes on to talk about how this sociologist created a negative reinforcement experiment involving electrocution. He had actors playing all of the parts except for the person who responded to an ad the sociologist placed in a local paper. This person had no clue about what was going on, only that they were going to be a part of an experiment. They had no idea that the people involved were actors. For all they knew, they were participating in vital scientific research. When the actor playing the head scientist explains that the volunteer will be asking a person who is hooked up to electrodes a series of questions. If the person responds positively, there is no penalty. If they respond negatively, there is a mild and brief electrical shock that is administered by the volunteer. Simple, huh?
The volunteer is then instructed that with every incorrect answer, in addition to the shock they are to administer, they must then up the voltage by on click of a dial on the electrocution machine. You can guess where this is going. Throughout the experiment, many different volunteers push the button, electrocuting the victim. As the voltage increases, the victim cries out in pain. Eventually it gets to the point where the victim must be physically restrained and given the shock as they are becoming more and more violent and resistant to the experiment. Mind you, the victim is an actor. . . he is only playing his role. He has been caused no real pain, but the volunteer does not know this. He/She thinks that this is real, thus the real experiment collects its data. The study found that a vast majority of people continued to punish the victim even when they saw it caused severe pain and potentially permanent damage simply because they thought they were doing it in the name of something good, and someone in authority simply told them too. Some of the volunteers even relished the action.
Disturbing.
Why am I telling you all this? Surely neither you or I would ever do these kind of things? I tell you this because both you and I most certainly would, and we do on a daily basis. I tell you this because it is not just true in the big ideas, it is also true in all of the little areas of our lives. I see this daily. I become more like my friends when with them. I tend to make fun of others when others around me do it. I curse more when around others who do. I act in ways I am ashamed of. I feel pathetic.
Thank God for my wife. She is not afraid to call me on my crap. Seriously. She is truly a wonderful woman and even when it hurts, she tells me the story like it is. No gloss, no stat cleaning, simple and clean truth. I want to polish up the edges and somehow justify my behavior like it was somehow not my fault, that I have an excuse to get me out of it. The plain truth is that it usually is my fault. I am a bastard most of the time. I'm selfish, an addict, pleasure seeking, responsibility shirking, arrogant, snobby and even a bit elitist.
Please don't be surprised. I am merely trying to be honest with myself and with others. I really believe that if I don't face myself, I'll never really rise above the gritty parts of myself and be able to truly grow in a healthy and responsible manner; spiritually, mentally, physically and emotionally.
