Frustrated. . .

Frustrated.

This is the word that dominates my aura today.

Complete and total frustration.

I'm not bitter or spiteful towards anyone, just really, really frustrated.

I don't want to name names or make anyone out to be a bad guy, because they're really not. And it's not just one person I'm frustrated with, it's more like an entire host of people, and no, it's not Jon and Kate Plus Eight. . . it's more like family. Family and friends of family. Ok. . . Family, Friends of Family and complete strangers. 

I'm frustrated, as I'm sure we have all experienced from time to time, when ideologies and life-styles collide. Imagine a collective group of people sitting in a room. Each of these people represent different ways of life; conservative, liberal, christian, athiest, etc. Everyone is getting along fine until someone wigs out or voices disapproval over someone's choices. Now, a social standard has been stated. Now the room gets a bit tense. Some people, not offended by the vocal minority, now feel inhibited because of the voiced opposition to their way of thinking, living, etc. This starts a snowball effect of perceived negativity and walking on eggshells. 

I hate that. 

I have a very generous spirit when it comes to forgiveness and people who do not believe the same as myself. I am willing to tolerate behavior by people who do not believe the same as me for the basic fact that they DON'T believe the same things as me. I can only judge them if they also submit to the authority of my beliefs. I know what my God has to say about their behavior, but if they don't believe in my God, what right do I have to impose my beliefs on them? Am I not just being the very same person I am irritated with if I do such a thing? Yes I am. This doesn't mean that I consider their beliefs equal in validity or importance than mine, because I can't do that. I chose to believe the things I believe because they made sense to me. This very reason means that I place a higher value on these beliefs because I live by them. If I chose another form of belief, I'd value them more than yours. Does that make sense? 

I said all that because I am saddened when happy occasions such as reunions, weddings, parties, etc. are ruined by people who are choosing to participate in the festivities, but they do so with a disapproving demeanor, complain under their breath, make sarcastic comments to others about the way things are going, etc. This is just idiotic. No matter how idiotic it is, I am still surrounded by people whose world views are different, but not completely, yet are still judgmental of each other. There are a few who are above such childish behavior, but they're the minority.

I could keep going, but it is really just fruitless. I'm only venting because I don't want to cause a scene. I could swim in an ocean of passive-aggressiveness right now with all the weirdness occurring around me. 

Someone, send help!

"Sons of Turner" Day Five

Today I climbed a Mesa, explored an un-excavated Tsankawi Indian ruin in Bandelier State Park, and visited El Santuario Chimayo Church in Chimayo, NM where it is purported the sick are healed miraculously.

Not bad for a day's activities.

We ventured out to the Bandelier State Park and began our journey up to the top of the mesa where the Tsankawi Indian ruins lay. There were bits of broken pottery strewn along the work rocky path lying next to sun bleached rocks and fallen scorched trees. The walk to the top was long and extremely difficult to traverse due to altitude and rough terrain. It was a fascinating hike through desert territory. Eventually, we came to the Tsankawi cave dwellings. The caves were carved into the rock face and flowed very organically from one to another seamlessly. The insides were acoustic dreams! The bass notes of your voice reverberated through the rock itself. The porous stone had etchings and storytelling narratives carved into them that were hundreds of years old. It was truly awe inspiring.

After climbing on, in and through them for the better part of two hours, we ran out of water and got severely dehydrated. The main problem with that was not the obvious lack of water in a desert, high altitude climate but the fact that it was another 30 minute hike back to the nearest water source. 

Ugh. . .

We did make it (obviously) and recovered from heat exhaustion and dehydration there. Afterwards, we packed up and went off to eat at a place called "El Parasol." It was nothing special. Jay Jones ordered a burrito that was made up of deep fried pork fat. Apparently Jay was not familiar with the growing cholesterol problem in America. . .

After eating, we sailed on up to a place called the "House of Old Things" antique store. This place was incredilbe. We just saw it on the road and pulled over and went inside. It was a house owned by a group of sibling and packed full of really cool stuff. Katie bought some ornate buttons, Jerry bought some antique keys and sewing machine parts he found fascinating, and I found a cool but non functioning antique metronome (I would have bought it had it worked.) 

New items in hand, we set off for Chimayo, NM where we visited the El Santuario Chimayo Church. The grounds were very beautiful and full of little shrines adorned with photos, crosses, rosaries and other religious objects of significance. The church itself was the quintessential portrait of southwestern architecture and spirit. The inside didn't allow photos but was breathtaking. Aged wooden pews, an elaborately carved and decorated altar-piece, a carving of Jesus that was something out of a Lord of the Rings movie, and the discarded crutches of healed believers. It even had a courtyard with graves of former people of importance to the church. It was a truly amazing place and I am glad we went there. Mat even painted a beautiful sketch of the place. He said he plans on turning it into a full on MBK painting.

I hope he makes prints. . .

Afterwards, we drove a scenic drive through the mountains of New Mexico and back to the familiar confines of Suitable Digs where I write this as Bob Giova prepares the evening meal of sloppy joes and fries. 

Ciao!

Caleb

"Sons of Turner" Day Three and Four

Wednesday was hot. The funny thing about being down here in the Southwest is that though I have been in the sun and heat of the day, I have not yet sweat a drop. It must just evaporate off of me unlike Chicago where it could be 65 out and you'd still sweat.

Painting wise, Patrick and I found a really cool area to sit for a while and capture the Santa Fe atmosphere. Patrick painted the facade of a very old church while I was focused on the top outdoor patio of a restaurant called "La Fonda." After we finished our paintings, we went off in search of iced coffee and our next painting. 

Our journey lead us to the Santa Fe Train Station. this is an active station where commuters still ride the "Rail Runner" trains which are slick, bullet train looking cars. Really nice. There were also lots of old train cars that were sitting and a few were rusting. These became the objects of our next paintings. Patrick took a yellow one and I took a green one. The paintings came out pretty sweet. 

We eventually met up with the rest of the group and wend back to Suitable Digs. Gabriella made pork ribs that night and we stuffed ourselves silly.

Thursday was our fourth day in Santa Fe and a few of us decided to stay around the complex and paint rather than venture into the town again. The Suitable Digs compound is way cool and offers many unique scenes to paint. The others went into town and painted.

I wanted to capture as many photos of our temporary home as possible, so I took my Nikon D90 and wandered the grounds. There is this really cool abandoned and rusted out mobile home from like the 60's or so that's on the edge of a rocky crevice that was really awesome. I took a few photos of that with the hopes of returning to paint it soon. 

After wandering for about 15 minutes, I came across a Bull Snake on the outside staircase. It was surprising because our host told us that there were no snakes around to worry about, but lo and behold, here one was. I followed it for a while and tried to take some pictures of it. I called over some of the group who had stayed behind to witness the snake. Eventually, it slithered away and left us alone.

A few of us tried to paint, but the heat was so bad we ended up staying inside. We did, however, manage to go out for lunch at a Thai place and then went off for some grocery shopping and laundry. Patrick was going to make fish tacos for dinner and I was going to make the salsa. When we got back from the errands, we put the groceries away and relaxed for an hour or so playing a game called "Blokus," a tetris like game involving multiple players trying to prevent other players from using all of their pieces. It was fun and challenging. I got my butt kicked.

We cooked and ate with the group around 7:30 pm or so. Afterwards, we stayed at the table telling our most embarrassing moments. Some of the stories were terribly surprising.It was so much fun. 

Today is Friday. We're going out to some ancient ruins that are un-excavated  that are about an hour or so drive from here. I am excited as they are on top of a mesa, something I've never been on top of. this is going to be fun, but it's totally exposed to the sun. No shade other than the buildings. We're not going to be there all day because we're going to a gallery opening tonight. 

Woot! Free wine and cheese!

"Sons of Turner" - Santa Fe, NM

I'm writing from Santa Fe, New Mexico on this lovely Thursday evening. I'm here with eight of my good friends from my life at the Academy on an artistic journey here in the American Southwest. We came here in order to understand ourselves as artists better and to be inspired by this new environment to create some new works or to simply capture the spirit of the Southwest. My former painting instructor, Mat Barber-Kennedy R.I.,  is with us as the voice of experience as he has done this for years. The trip is called "Sons of Turner" after the famous painter JMW Turner who not only worked in oil paints, but was an accomplished watercolorist as well. it is in his spirit that we're venturing outside our comfort zones and finding our voices in this new land.

We have been having the time of our lives here.

Monday, I arrived at O'Hare airport in Chicago and met up with the rest of the group. After checking bags and the body cavity search that is airport security, we boarded the plane and flew out to Albuquerque, NM. From there we rented a car and began the hour or so drive north to Santa Fe. We were hungry, so we decided to stop and get some food. We pulled into this place called "Pop & Taco."

 The sign alone is really enough to keep you from eating there, but for some reason we chose to brave it. The food was terrible but the best part was the old sign from a long time ago that read "Pup & Taco" in th

eir window around the back of the eatery. I guess having a name that implies that you serve dog meat is a bad idea. . . .

We continued our adventure to Santa Fe and eventually made our way up through the town and into the desert where out lodging was waiting for us. The name of the place we are staying at is called "Suitable Digs." It is a really cool environmentally friendly facility that grows its own veggies, has a grey water system to capture rain water and re-distribute it to the plants on the grounds, a "bio dome" for growing non-native plants, and tons of other really cool and eco-conscious ways of operating. We went grocery shopping, ate some frozen pizzas at dinner time and settled into our new home for the week. All in all, it was a good first day.

Tuesday brought the first real adventure into the Santa Fe sun. We went off in search of an art supply store to grab some pencils, paints and papers and then headed off to the center of town. It was awesome to see the classic Santa Fe architecture consisting of bricks, beams and slatted tiles. We set off in groups and found places, people and other objects of interest.

Some of us were looking for food, so we followed our noses and wound up at a street vendor selling carnitas. These things are to die for! Bellies filled, we went of in search of today's drawings and paintings. It really took a while to find something to paint. Not due to lack of inspiration, but we were always thinking that there was something better just around the corner. Eventually I settled on a building facade that was laid out in an interesting manner. As I was painting, a group of kids were playing in the church courtyard I was sitting in. They came up to myself and to Patrick and wanted to talk with us. They were having a good time being around us and running around like maniacs.

After finishing my painting, I met up with some of the others in our group in the town square. We hung out there and painted and drew some people and buildings before the break dancers came out.

Yup. Break dancers.

They were pretty good and really drew a crowd of people. We packed up our stuff and headed out to check out some galleries and get some drinks before heading back to Suitable Digs for the night where Katie was waiting to make us a fabulous Lasagna. 

There is much more to tell, but the hour is late and my room mates are playing drinking games. I am ready for some sleep, so I've pulled out my silicone earplugs and am turning in for the night. I'll write some more tomorrow!

Ta Ta for now,

Caleb

Ocean City, MD and the 5 Million kids

Well, there's not actually five million kids here, but it's close. There's 3,500 high schoolers in attendance at an event my band is performing at all weekend here in Ocean City, Maryland. Yesterday (Friday, March 27th) we left Chicago on a 7:25 am flight to Philadelphia, Pa and then rented a car and drove the three hour trip to Ocean City. After arriving, we set up and went to eat at this place called "The Dough Roller."

It was the worst food I've had in over a year.

After dinner we came back to the conference center and met with all the tech crew and event staff and talked through all the details of the night. Then the event started and we took our places and played our set. It's always having three thousand people singing along to your music and dancing and having a good time. I am so fortunate to do what I do. I love my life, even when I have to get up at 3:45 in the morning to fly out to a show. 

We're setup to record video and audio from the sets we do live here, and last night's footage was pretty cool. This morning we're going to play some songs and then we can chill all day. Tomorrow we'll fly home and get some sleep before I jump back into school Monday. Only four weeks left and I'll have a fat BFA in my hands. 

Yea!

The Best Show on Television Isn't on Television

It's been a while since my last posting. I have seemingly recovered from my January tragedy (as much as any human possibly can. . .) and am looking towards the future with hope and joy.

Speaking of the future, I almost gave up on the show Heroes. Almost. What hooked me in was the seemingly obvious plot of getting all the characters together. Seriously, it's been four seasons now and we're just now getting to the point of one story arc instead of a million smaller side stories. As of the last season, I was terminally bored with the show and was about to throw in the towel. After the season opener, I'll stick around for a few more episodes to see if it gets better. If not, I'm gonna drop it like a bad potato.

Speaking of television shows, your old uncle Caleb wants to recommend a show to you. I truly believe that his show is the best, grittiest, raw, real and ultimately redemptive yet true to life show ever created. The Wire. It's an HBO series (now ended after its brilliant 5th season) about inner city Baltimore and the drug culture of the poor urban areas. It is a hard yet realistic portrait of the city and the people who live and work there and the massive challenges of trying to end drug traffic and drug culture. The police aren't your nice, predictable officers. They're deeply flawed and often willingly do the wrong things to get the "bad guys." Throw in a healthy robin hood like character named Omar Little who steals from the drug dealers (as well as kills them) and gives to the junkies and a gangster who wants to turn into a business man for the drug world Stringer Bell and you need a cop like McNulty, an irish, womanizing alcoholic cop who is just as messed up as the people he puts away.

Sound gritty? It is. It's foul-mouthed, violent, sick, twisted, filled with drug use, sex, and any other form of objectionable content, yet it will leave you identifying with these characters - the good and the bad. It makes you feel like you could be any of these people because the things these characters go through and do are shadows and echoes of the very things in all of our hearts. We may deny this thought, but it is true. We all are just as corrupted as these people, and they're not pretending they're not. We are the ones pretending we're better than them. Watching this show will force you to re-consider the black–and–white world some of us have fooled ourselves into believing  exists. I promise you, it may be a tough watch at first, but you'll be glad to did. 

If you've already seen it, cheers!

I Will Rememer You.

I know your name

And I weep when you hurt

And I cheer when you win

Because you are my son

I will come when you call

I will hear your prayers

And I will fight for my name

Because you are my son

-You Are My Son, Scarecrow and Tinmen

"Naked I came from my mother's womb,

and naked I will depart.

The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away;

may the name of the Lord be praised."

-Job 1:21

This past weekend was devastating to me. Things I cannot completely verbalize yet for fear of completely breaking down occurred on January 10th. I know I will carry the scars of that day for the rest of my life. My life has seemingly passed in slow motion and is void of any real color, much like the winter landscape around me. Every where I look, there is some kind of reminder to me of life and love lost. I never knew I could feel so completely empty. So lifeless. So grey. Life in monochrome.

I will remember you fondly and always with all the love in my heart. I will not be complete again until I meet you again, on the other side of this life. May God keep you and protect you until we meet again. January 10th, 2009 will always be with me.